stillness

The last few days have been very strange. Everyone around me seems to think I'm not coming back so are insisting I get together with them for one last evening, home is even more chaotic than usual, and I'm trying to cram enough things for two people into one life. Inside, however, I'm as still and calm as if I haven't a care in the world, which is very unusual for me, as any one who knows me will tell you, I do stress in a big, big way.
I'm not sure if its just a natural reaction to avoid being overwhelmed, or just just hasn't sunk in yet, but I'm grateful for it, because in my usual state of panic and lack of confidence I'm sure I would be looking for ways to get my flights cancelled! Perhaps it's just that I worry about the littlest things, and this visit is an enormous leap into the unknown.
I've just discovered that my middle daughter, who has Aspergers, will be going away for the weekend to Ayr for a dancing course with friends. She's never been away from us before, and can be very shy, so we're wondering how she'll cope. But, that also means she will be leaving on Saturday before me, and I'm worrying more that she won't be at the airport to see me off.
I see tears ahead, they'll all be mine, but I'll try to keep them for the departure gate, after which it really will be too late to worry that factor 30 isn't enough.